| a little sad |
[14 May 2004|06:46pm] |
|
today i am just thinking. My friends mom died. I haven't talked to this friend in a while but our moms were close. She had brain cancer. This woman was a wonderful woman she had a large faith and was kind to everyone she met. Then she got sick and then she died. Then i think this woman was a wonderful woman why did she have to die. Why was my family so lucky. That could of been my mom. Ellen was there for me when my mom was sick. It just sucks. i just feel why what the fuck......... i hate it. This girl is brilliant she dropped out of school because of her moms illness. i just want to hug her.... there is apart wishing... i wish it was my family and not hers..... for a split second. Then my selfishness comes in. Then i thank God my mom got better. I just i hate this i hate this disease i will right now swear until the day i die to forge a fight against it. i mean it this is my promise.......i am out
|
|
| i hate this |
[01 May 2004|08:35pm] |
|
i hate that you are there............... what happened to our friendship
|
|
| blah |
[25 Apr 2004|08:30pm] |
|
it was sad today......i will miss you more then you know.... i feel like i have been pushed aside for her. She has always had the ability to make me feeling inadquite..... always and i hate it. i hope our friendship last the summer... i will miss our check ins
|
|
| the end of an era |
[25 Apr 2004|08:02am] |
|
the orignal Macody has left the building. Honestly sitting at my puter right now is gonna make me sad. i leave today. And yes by leaving i me move down the street. But everyone i know is leaving. Last night was great. they might of been drunk but to told i was great and that it was amazing to see me make the transtion to being irc to an RA and that no one else could of done it as well as me and that i was a Great RA that made me feel good. It was a great ending to a great year. Endings have to come because if there were no ending there would be no new beginning
|
|
| STRESSED TO THE MAX |
[18 Apr 2004|03:42am] |
|
i feel so alone right now.... i am so worried that i have no job..... i am so worry i am gonna be a disapointment..... i don't want to end up like the others..... i got woken up at 3 in the morning by my little brother i just i am freaking out right now...... i am worried stressed and i can't sleeeeeeeeeppp....i know i will be fine i just need this push..... and stace isn't talking to me and it made me realize how much i miss her......what am i gonna do this summer... everyone is leaving... it is just starting to hit me right in the face....i want it to stop
|
|
| this what i am weird |
[11 Apr 2004|11:49pm] |
| Extroverted (E) 67.65% Introverted (I) 32.35%
Imaginative (N) 60.53% Realistic (S) 39.47%
Emotional (F) 64.86% Intellectual (T) 35.14%
Easygoing (P) 67.5% Organized (J) 32.5%
| | [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<td [...] left">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <div align="center"><!--67.65 60.53 64.86 67.5--> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Extroverted (E) 67.65% Introverted (I) 32.35%<br> Imaginative (N) 60.53% Realistic (S) 39.47%<br> Emotional (F) 64.86% Intellectual (T) 35.14%<br> Easygoing (P) 67.5% Organized (J) 32.5%<br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Your type is: <b><font size="+3">ENFP</font></b><br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td width="280quot;>> <div align="left"> You are an Inspirer, possible professions include - conference planner, speech pathologist, HR development trainer, ombudsman, clergy, journalist, newscaster, career counselor, housing director, character actor, marketing consultant, musician/composer, artist, information-graphics designer, human resource manager, merchandise planner, advertising account manager, dietitian/nutritionist, speech pathologist, massage therapist, editor/art director. </div> </td> </tr> </table> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <a href="http://similarminds.com/career.html">Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test</a><br><font size="1"><a href="http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com</a></font></div> |
|
| almost over |
[02 Apr 2004|10:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ben was there any doubt |
] |
i have learned a lot this year and this what it is
1. never judge people by the first sight of them...... my best friends here are the people i was scared of when i first met them
2. Never back down from things i believe in
3. Never forget who i am and what i stand for.
4. Even though friendships change that does not mean they are any less special at the time. i will always hold those friendships close to my heart.....
5. always listen to my mom she is always right in the end...... AS MUCH AS I HATE
6. Don't loose the girls from back home... they keep me real they are my link to my past and my strength to get through the future.
7. Never let age stop you from having the best friendship you could have. Collin has become such a huge part of my life... Weird who knew....
8. To stop beating myself up on things that don't go my way..... I am not perfect stop trying to be
9. That being an RA is a repellent for relationships. LOL unless you date within.... Maybe i will try that one next year
10. That this was one of my best years yet.
there will be tears but i will welcome them for they will show how much you all mean to me.
|
|
| creepy |
[26 Mar 2004|01:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
matt good |
] |
a guy asked me for my number today and he asked if i wanted to go out with him the other day but i couldn't because i was on duty..... I mean he is cute.... the weird thing is that i didn't mention...... that he looks exactly like that last two guys i dated..... weird... my friends make fun of me because this happens.... I CAN"T HELP IT
lol i don't even know the guy he is so hard to read..... i am laid back i am cool with being friends....
to busy for much else.
|
|
| tired but accomplished |
[09 Mar 2004|09:09am] |
so today is tuesday and i feel i am ready to move on to the next year.... I had no idea i would accomplish this much in one year..... It amazes me...
You know how amazing the feeling was to walk into a room every room and have my name called... It brought me back to that feeling remember that feeling..... On my tour across ontario..... i miss those days.... getting in petes car and driving to who knows where... me speaking to a bunch of people for an hour and then moving on to the next place.....
i have moved on but my heart is still in those rooms. thank you for giving that feeling back to me this weekend
|
|
|
[02 Mar 2004|08:59am] |
geez i don't think i have wanted something so bad..... I actually screamed...... it was funny....
oh ya i got it electa CD i am happy with that
|
|
|
[01 Mar 2004|06:53pm] |
|
so today i stand at this crassroad... but that is all it is a crossroad.. tears might be shead but they might not be bad..... life is filled with these crossroads and they are moments that just fill me with more knowledge and wisdom. i am scared but not a bad scared..... i will not be bitter... i refuse to be bitter..... i refuse to let this consume me...................... i ask for strength to whatever comes my way..... please give me strength
|
|
| sometimes |
[01 Mar 2004|01:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sarah m |
] |
there gets to a point where you can't pretend anymore some one catches you in an act and you are made to step back from yourself and realise this is not you.... I have had a hard time lately but you know what right now i have never felt better. As much as that conversation with that friend hurt me and maybe effected our friendship to the point it won't get back to where it was.... i am glad it happened... i still get mad when i think about it ..... but then i think you know what that is okay it is one persons opinion and then i had to step back and ask why did i care so much. I realised that person had become my crutch i went to her for everything.... i took her opinions to heart as soon as she said them to me i atuomatically assumed she was right.... but in reality as much as i love her why did i give her that power.... i think also lossing my faith in my higher power for a while made me question alot of my life choices and just felt i had nothing to believe in. But again i take my faith and religion as i do others things i take what i like and leave the rest...... i have just relised in the last little while the importance of my faith ... i don't know if i will start going back church every sunday..... but it is apart of me as much as anything else is.....
i am nervous about tomorrow...... but i am letting go and letting god because i have no control of this anymore.....i'll get through this like i have everything else....
today is a good day
|
|
| was there a doubt |
[21 Feb 2004|11:03am] |
p>
You're Ireland!
Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this
makes you intriguing. You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as
worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice. You're good
with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato.
You really don't like snakes.
Take the Country Quiz at
the Blue Pyramid</p>
|
|
| so this is my rant |
[15 Feb 2004|01:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i am watching a movie |
] |
so i love my friends and they are wonderful people supportive caring and super fun.... But i have one complaint.... YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK TO people. Kara i love you but someone deosn't decide they are gay and not every gay person has to talk about it all the time... Quote" so she now has decided she is gay and has to talk about it all the time" Well do you talk about your boyfriend...... it is the same god damn thing......... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and people wonder why i am so serious with them BECAUSE I AM ON GUARD WITH YOU PEOPLE.... i love them but god help i swear go help me
|
|
| me |
[11 Feb 2004|01:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nelly f |
] |
i have decided i have a hard time talking about myself.....
so this is me talking about myself
i guess i a hard on myself.... but i don't know how not to be
i feel right very out of the loop...i know most if it is because i choose to put myself there but i just feel really lonely
everyone seems to experimenting even how bad it is with dating with going out to the bar and meeting people
i just feel in a rut
and when i am in a rut i get disorganized
i need to focus on school....... but my thoughts just drift to only if i had this and only if i had this
i am happy in life i am happy to be alive but i worry and i let it consume me
also as strong as i am words do effect me more then people know
by the way i hate change......i hate that my friends are seeming to get closer with each other and i feel left out
i feel like i need a break
but i am not sure from what
so yup that is me talking about me.....
|
|
| soooooo |
[09 Feb 2004|12:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
martina again |
] |
so jakcs rach and i entered a make over story....... Weird.... Geej i am sorry you had such a bad date..... Dating is overrated... Said by the girl who doesn't date... Today is monday.... Mondays keep flying by. Soon it will be the end.... it's weird in two weeks i will know whether i did a good enough job this year to stay on for another...... it is scary... some say i am a shoe in..... but i doubt myself somnetimes.........i need to stop that i think
|
|
| today |
[07 Feb 2004|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
boo to that |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
background of the t.v cemercial |
] |
zellers was fun yesturday with the crew... for some reason my new nickname is buzz... weird that orginated from jacks because she was mad that i didn't tape days for her and called me the buzz in her ear and rach liked it..... weird... Worked desk in Cody... It made me sad that half of the boys that were my friends now walk past me... not that i care.... but it still kinda hurts... it is to early to be up.. Painting today with the crew again... i wonder how hung over they all will be .... good times
well gotta cook
|
|
| i know it ihas been a long time |
[05 Feb 2004|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
martina |
] |
i know i know....... i think that i didn't write in here for a while.... because i didn't want to admit that i am not doing well. I have my good days and bad days you know.... Today was a good one... just busy.
i am kinda looking forward to my productive weekend no traveling.
Lately i am starting to realise how much i have changed this year...... weird
I am finally know what my strengths are... i finally feel i have a voice. I always been kinda searching for that thing you know that one thing that makes you want to be there everyday... because i love it.... and i have.
I have never been so comfortable and happy. Then it hits me doubt... or feburary. It is always a bad month for me......
I just right now... i am feeling lonely... and as much as i have people around at all times..... because literally i do.... i just don't have that thing... I have had for 21 years of my life..... for 19 years it was my twin then for two it was my wife... (stace)... that time to debrief everything during the day no longer exists..... i miss them...... i am just lonely you know.... and if you know me i hate asking for help.... i would much more help you then you help me
i know i am working on it
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
brightside's journal
